My previous post was brought to surface by the pure need for catharsis.  Yes they were black and white and not necessarily true.  And yes I was doing the equivalent of closing my eyes, holding my breath and stomping while papa life was trying to teach me a lesson. 

I heard a quote a long time ago: "the worst things in life, we often do to ourselves."  I have set up a series of self fulfilling prophesies in my mind and when they are fulfilled I say "figures" and when they are not I say "fluke."  All are merely a shield, a cold defense against my deepest fears.

A long time ago someone very important to me left me to my demons.  They stood idly by, despite my cries for help [if you're reading this, you're probably not the person I'm talking about].  I lived through it, but I was not made stronger.  Instead I developed a bitter core, covered by masks and pretty things to distract others from seeing the pain.  And deep inside I sat, a 15 year old waiting for someone to help him. Help, in the form I felt I needed, never came.  It couldn't.  No one can fill this hole, except for myself with the help of my Savior.

It is time for me to pick myself up and choose to grow.  Help myself.  Love myself as God loves me: despite my weaknesses and mistakes. 

So, I am sorry if I offended anyone with my last post.  It should have been private as it was merely a cathartic release of what has been building up inside of me for quite a while.

Someone please surprise me.
Please break me from this monotonous prison of disappointment.
Let me see the light in your eyes. Let me breathe.
I'm just so tired of bleeding for other people's battles.

Molly ^

Have you ever felt like a chapter has ended in your life and as the page turns and you realize that the publisher accidently put the exact same chapter over and over?